Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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