can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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