I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize