I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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