My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
