Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
