So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
