Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
