I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
