I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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