Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
love makes seman taste better
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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