I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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