stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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