i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
