Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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