So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
