I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
