No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
