So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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