It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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