Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
