yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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