hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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