I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
