I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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