well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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