You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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