I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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