Betty ford says i'm here all night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize