My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize