What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
