last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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