You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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