I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize