Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
