If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
