the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
