He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
