you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
