make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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