I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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