six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
