Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
