I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
