Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
