just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
