my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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