We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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