a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
