I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
