need another drink. this is the easiest way
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
