do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize