Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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