Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
