I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
