I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
