420 ftw
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
