I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
