id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
