I smell stomach acid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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