I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
