Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
