I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
