I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
