Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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