I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He felt like a one man threesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm like, not good at living.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
