God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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