I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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