how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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