Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
