I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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