I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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