i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
